Funhy - It's Funny

This guy proposed to his wife after walking away from a terrible car accident without a scratch. He said "Life's too short and it can end at any time." She said "Honey, we've been married for 7 years. I think you have amnesia."

'Hello!?' 'Hey! Honey, you wouldn't believe the day I'm having right now, I lost my phone!' 'Hello, I'm not your wife, I'm Cecelia, your new maid!' 'Oh! That's great! Welcome! I'm having a crazy day right now, can you please hand the phone to my wife?' 'I would but she just locked her room and went in with another man!' 'What!! That's a disaster! As if this day wouldn't get worse!! All these years, all this love for this day! I can't bear this anymore' 'I'm really sorry to hear that!' 'Don't be sorry, it's not your fault! I need a moment to think but time is running out! Do one thing... In the drawer below the phone there's a gun!' 'What!! I won't do anything stupid!!' 'No.. You don't understand.. I'm very rich and powerful.. No one can touch you and I'll pay you a million!' 'But...' 'I'll pay you two million but you have to

 My wife sat down on the couch  next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'   I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started.... My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a weighing scale. And then the fight started.... When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So I took her to a petrol pump. And then the fight started.... My wife was standing & looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, 'I feel horrible. I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to give me a compliment." I replied, "Your eyesight is perfect." And then the fight started.... I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I've not been in a long

Why did the computer squeak? Someone stepped on its mouse.

My wife wants to eat somewhere shes never eaten before for V-Day I told her she should try the kitchen

  Fact is stranger than fiction. IITian and the Rickshawala...nice piece of conversation. By an anonymous IITian This one is delightfully interesting to read. There were two rickshaw-walas vying for our business when we wanted to go to Sankat-Mochan temple in Benaras, now Varanasi. I agreed to go with the one who was about 20, seemed like a regular young rickshaw-wala, but I found something interesting about this fellow in his eyes. I was not proved wrong. He wanted Rs 50, we said Rs 30. We settled for 40.  Here are the highlights of the conversation that ensued while he rode the rickshaw: "Aap kahan se aaye hain?" "Delhi" "Bijness ya kaam karte hain?" "Naukri karte hain" "kismein" "Internet mein" "Hamara bhi kuch wahin kaam lagwa do". I just chuckled. "Main try kar raha hoon engineering padhne kee;  achchi naukri lag jaayegi tab" "Achcha?"I asked a little interested. "Haan, Delhi mein Guru G

Why did the producers of 007 films use government debt to fund their newest film? Because interest in the Bond is so low.

 A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!” A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!” The doctor replied, “Show me.” So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again. She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”

 A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female !! A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box. She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?” To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

 A rugby player was hurt very badly during a scrum and he had both of his ears ripped off... Since he was permanently disfigured, he decided to give up playing rugby for good. His club and insurance company ensured that a large sum of money went his way. One day, he decided to invest his money in a small but growing sportswear business.  He bought the company outright but after signing on the dotted line, realized that he knew nothing about business.  He decided to employ someone to run the shop. The next day he set up three interviews.  The first guy was great.  He knew everything he needed to and was very enthusiastic.  At the end of the interview, the former rugby player asked him, “Do you notice anything different about me?” And the man replied, “Why, yes, I couldn’t help noticing you have no ears.”  The rugby player got angry and threw him out. The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy.  He asked her the same question, “Do you notice anythin

What is the king of all school supplies? The Ruler

 I wanted to buy an Audi. But I can't A4'd it. (afford it!)

 A young boy says to his father "Dad, our math teacher is asking to see you." "What happened?" The father asks. "Well, she asks me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answer '63' , then she asks, 'and 9 * 7?' so I asked 'what's the f****** difference?' " "Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.'' The next day, the boy comes home from school "Dad, have you gone by the school?" He asks. "Not yet." "Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also." "Why?" asks the father. The boy explains, "Well we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. 'Now,' he says, 'lift your left leg,' so I asked 'What, am I suppose to stand on my butt!?'" "Exactly," says the father. "Alright, I'll c

 My dad has a heart of a lion ...and a lifetime ban from the local zoo. 

 A mother went into a coma after giving birth to twins When she woke up after 6 months and 3 days, the doctor told the mother: "While you were in a coma, we had your brother name your children. One is a boy, one is a girl." The mother, with a disappointed and angry look on her face told the doctor: "Why my brother? That guy is an idiot. So what did he name them?" The mother, expecting hideous names, prepared herself. "The girl, was named Denise." The mother thought, "Hey that wasn't so bad. What about my boy?" The doctor said, "Denephew".

My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?" I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."

How did TV studios make words appear on screen before computers? Character actors!

 A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?” Brian raises his hand and says, “He’s in Heaven.” Susan answers, “He’s in my heart.” Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, “He’s in our bathroom!” The teacher is surprised by this answer and asks Little Johnny how he knows this. “Well,” Little Johnny says, “every morning, my Dad gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'”

 ...and being there really helped me learn about American culture. So I visited a shop and as I was leaving, the Shopkeeper said "Have a nice day!" But I didn't so I sued him.

अगर गिलास टूटने के बाद भी  घर में ख़ामोशी है तो गिलास  बीवी से टूटा है और गलती भी गिलास की है 😂😂

There was a farmer who had a horse and a goat….. One day, the horse became very ill and he called the veterinarian, who said: "Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him to sleep." Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation. The next day, the Vet gave him the medicine and left. The goat approached the horse and said: "Be strong, friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!" On the second day,  the doc again gave him the medicine and left. The goat came back and said: - "Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up". Let's go! One, two, three... but the poor horse wouldn't get up! On the third day, the Vet gave one look at the horse and said: "Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and in

*Why do husbands* watch cricket matches on TV in pubs, bars and hotels instead of watching it in the comfort of their homes? *Just read* this👇👇 You won't ask it again!!😋😇 A couple 👫 watching an IPL 🎾 match on the TV 💻 together. After five minutes: *Wife:* Is that Bret Lee? *Husband*: No. He is Chris Gayle. Bret Lee is the bowler. *Wife*: Bret Lee is smart. He should be in the movies 😆 like his brother. *Husband*: 😨 He does not have an actor brother *Wife:* Then What about Bruce Lee?😄 *Husband*: No no, Bret Lee is an Australian  *Wife:* OK. Look. Another wicket in just two minutes. *Husband:* No. It is called action replay😫. *Wife*: Looks like India is going to win this one. *Husband*: It is not India. It is Bangalore vs Kolkata 😔 *Wife*: Why is the umpire calling for a helicopter🚡. *Husband*: 😭😭😭He is not calling for a helicopter. It's a free hit. 😜 *Wife*: Did the spectators not pay for the tickets? Why is it a ' free' hit?  *Husband*:😨😰 *Wife:* Now

शादी के बहुत दिनों बाद समीर भाई और मक़सूद भाई की मुलाकात हुई। दोनों बहुत खुश हुए और एक दूसरे के वैवाहिक जीवन का हाल पूछने लगे। मक़सूद भाई : और समीर भाई सुनाओ! कैसे गुजर रहा है वैवाहिक जीवन? समीर भाई का जवाब :- "अल्हमदुलिल्लाह सब खैरियत है। आपस में बहुत ही अंडरस्टैंडिंग है। सुबह हम दोनों मिलकर नाश्ता बनाते हैं, फिर बातों बातों में बर्तन धो लेते हैं। प्यार प्यार से मिल बांट कर सारे कपड़े धो लेते हैं। कभी वह किसी खास डिश की फरमाइश कर देती है और कभी मैं अपनी मर्जी से कुछ पका लेता हूँ। माशा अल्लाह मेरी पत्नी बहुत सफाई पसंद है। बस इसी वजह से घर की साफ सफाई मेरी जिम्मेदारी है। फिर समीर भाई ने मक़सूद भाई से पूछा, आप सुनाओ भाई आपकी जिंदगी कैसे गुजर रही है? मक़सूद भाई का जवाब : समीर भाई बेइज्जती तो मेरी भी इतनी ही हो रही है जितनी आपकी। लेकिन हमको आपकी तरह युं पॉवर पॉईंट प्रेझेंटेशन बनाना नहीं आता.  😂😂😂

In a psychological survey , men and women were asked to translate this sentence from English to Hindi... "I love you too" Most women translated it as ......  "मैं भी तुमसे प्यार करती हूँ'. and most men translated it as ....  "मैं तुमसे भी प्यार करता हूँ" !! Men will be men😂😂 😜😜😜

मेहमान को ग्रीन टी पिलाने के फायदे... 1. रिच लगते है, 2. दूध का खर्चा बचता है, 3. साथ में बिस्कुट नही देने पड़ते। 4. दूबारा नही मांगता  5. हो सकता है  दूबारा आये भी  नही  😂😜😝🤣

जगजीत सिंह की ग़ज़लों को सुनकर  गर्ल फ्रेंड की याद मैं एक घंटे रोया फिर याद आया कि मेरी तो कोई गर्ल फ्रेंड ही नही है मैं तो शादी शुदा हूँ दो घंटे फिर रोया 😜😛😝